The "Butter Battle" Blog

Resting in Agony

noreply@blogger.com (Dawn Hood-Patterson) — Wed, 14 Oct 2009 02:10:00 +0000

He asked me to call him “Sorrowful.” He could hardly move, his body ravaged by the months of chemotherapy. He looked 20 years older than he should—he was only 54. His deep blue eyes were now sunken and gray. I had the sense that he had once held a commanding presence but now he was piles of loosen skin and cracking bones. He was crumpled to the side of his bed, having no energy to move or adjust his position.

We sat and talked for a bit. He told me about his life. He had conquered addictions, survived suicide attempts, loved and lost. We cried together and laughed together. I held his hand.

And then he began. He began to weep. Tears that brought his head low in grief and sorrow, fear and pain. Are you ready to die? We both knew this was the inevitable end to an assault that had ransacked his body and trampled his soul.

As the tears welled up in his eyes, spilling over on to his cheeks he said, “How can God love me? I’ve been told what God thinks of people like me.”

“People like you?” I respond, frightened of where this will go.

“I’ve loved. I’ve loved deeply but I have only loved other men. I know what people say about God loving gays… He doesn’t!”

And he sobs. His tears shake the world; they are not silent drops. They clatter to the floor.

Silence.

I hear myself breathing.

I lean forward. I feel broken. I say, “God loves you. Not for how you live, but for who you are. God loves those who choose to love differently. God loves you, deeply.”

Through the shroud of tears he looks up at me. His eyes penetrate my existence. He sees through me. I am certain that my words are not hollow. They are reliable, true and authentic. The tears stop and in a tone of utter disbelief and astonishment he pleadingly asks, “He does?”

God loves you…

Salvation does not save us from heaven or hell. Salvation saves us from the agony of our fears, the desperation of our reality. Salvation saves us from ourselves. God saves us in our deepest groaning. We are no longer consumed by our reality, we are free—free to linger, free to yearn and free to be loved.

For I will turn their mourning into joy
And will comfort them and give them joy for their sorrow. Jeremiah 31:13b

Cold Coffee

noreply@blogger.com (Dawn Hood-Patterson) — Sat, 03 Oct 2009 00:31:00 +0000

The coffee I served him was hot. He never had the chance to drink it. He lost her. He cried and walked away.

I saw that same cup of coffee hours later. It remained untouched. It was cold. I thought about tossing the cup… but I simply walked away.

Breathe in...

noreply@blogger.com (Dawn Hood-Patterson) — Wed, 29 Jul 2009 20:53:00 +0000

When I hear about breathing I always seem to pause. I pause when I hear a song or word that speaks of this involuntary motion. Breathing... breathe in... breathe out.

There is something that is fascinatingly comfortable with this process. It is as if breathing can heal a multitude of wounds, pave rocky roads and re-frame fragmented stories. Breathing...

Breathing is so special, yet we fail to notice the depth of the process... until it stops, and those moments are profound too.

Marriage for the Masses

noreply@blogger.com (Dawn Hood-Patterson) — Wed, 01 Jul 2009 13:06:00 +0000

This article was recently published on theOOZE.com

Recently my husband and I celebrated our anniversary. We are one of those obnoxious couples that is so happy and in love that we don’t mind telling the whole world about our devotion and joy. We have not been married that long, but long enough to prove to Hollywood that “successful marriage” is not an oxymoron.

Our marriage has been good, very good. Our marriage is not special simply because it was blessed by a clergy member who was ordained via means other than the Internet (though it was), or that we were “united in marriage” in a church (though we were) or that the word “before God and these witnesses” actually meant something to my husband and I (though these words are amazingly meaningful to us). No, the reason we have a really happy marriage is because we chose each other every day and we’ve fought for each other since.

We live in a world in which the 1950’s understanding of the word “commitment” in marriage is being redefined at the whims of those who enter into the vow. We can complain about this but it doesn’t change the reality. Marriage looks different and functions differently for each couple.

We have received countless pieces of advice, some bad, some good. We have followed some advice, some to our detriment. It is still our responsibility, as a couple, to make our marriage work. If marriage is unique, why then, do we have the right to tell everyone around us what marriage should look like? What gives us the right to determine the facts and figures for marriage when it’s ultimately up to the couple to decide what their relationship will entail?

Marriage, for my husband and I, is just as much a spiritual experience as it is a civil/legal lifestyle. What makes it spiritual is our commitment to such a purpose. The church no longer has a corner on the marriage market—it hasn’t for a while. Even more, I know quite a few “heathens” who have been married far longer and far happier than other ultra pious people of faith. With that being said, marriage is, in our present culture, a legal or civil union, unless the couple chooses to make it spiritual as well. Homosexuals deserve to have the same liberty that I have. I can’t imagine not being allowed to share that commitment.

One lesbian couple comes to mind. One lady has a debilitating and life-ending illness. Her partner is only legally able to provide a certain amount of care. She has been willing to care for her partner for years; after all, they’ve been together for over 39 years. There are so many married people who are able but not even willing. I fail to even comprehend why we, as a nation, are denying this right and privilege to so many.

It just seems like Christ met people where they were. How are we allowed to judge people because we don’t understand who they are, how they grew up, who they fall in love with or the reason they make the choices that they have made? Are we really willing exercise religious tradition or an oppressive majority voice to marginalize people who just need to be embraced? It seems that we feel the need to change people before we allow them to be known—judge them before we befriend them.

It’s important that we begin to realize that not every marriage is be a cookie cutter and that we, as Christians (whether we believe that we hold all absolute truth or not) do not have the right to condemn a person based on their lifestyle choices. That one is not for us to decide. Let’s stop fighting for oppression. How is that, in any way, showing the love of Christ? How is that, in any way, showing the love of the one who came to this earth to love all people, eat with the worst of us and buy us with tremendous sacrifice? Let us show grace to those who live differently, who choose differently, who love differently. Let us be civil, let us give rights, let us show grace and compassion—not tyranny and coercion.

It is time to be about the ministry of reconciliation. We cannot demand that homosexuals live up to some “undisputed standard” when we fail to live up such standards. It is wrong to look on, lacking mercy and warmth. We need to start an open dialogue that will intertwine, not a sermon that will ostracize. It is time to embrace those who are not like us. It is time to love, not criticize differences. Now is the time to shout for civil equality.

CEO vs. Bottom Rung

noreply@blogger.com (Dawn Hood-Patterson) — Tue, 28 Apr 2009 13:51:00 +0000

Leading by example, but maybe it’s not always your actions that speak louder than your words.

I saw the CEO of a company moving tables and chairs. He was helping to change a room setup in between back-to-back meetings. I was impressed, even inspired. I’m at the bottom of the corporate rung today but that may not always be the case. I hope I’m always willing to help move the tables when there is a need.

He then said, “Moving tables is not in my job description!”

I’m still inspired, not by his actions but in spite of his words.

"Green" Grannies

noreply@blogger.com (Dawn Hood-Patterson) — Wed, 08 Apr 2009 16:43:00 +0000

I’ve been blessed to be surrounded by amazing people who make me want to be a better person. These people challenge my world-view, stretch my perspective and encourage me to be a better person. My mom and my husband are two of the most amazing people I’ve been privileged to be in relationship with. Even my brother (who infuriates me because we’re both so opinionated, like to be right but are often on opposite sides of debatable topics) challenges me to see the world though a different lens and respect the voice of the “other”.

No one person can provide more wisdom than that which I have gained from my grandparents and some of the senior adults I’ve worked with. They have asked me to evaluate life, love, marriage and even conservation.

Many of these seniors lived during the great depression, where energy and environmental conservation were not trendy but necessary. Here are some tips that they’ve shared with me:

-When cooking (not baking) in your oven, turn it off when your meat or vegetables (not baked goods) are about ¾ of the way done. It’ll finish cooking while the oven cools off
-Save your soapy dish water. The particles left in the water, along with the suds, will act as fertilizer and pesticide for your plants.
-Put your banana peels, vegetable particles and crushed up egg shells around your flower beds or potted plants. Your plants will love them… you don’t have to compost them prior to adding them... just throw it on your plants, a little silly looking but good for your leafy family. (Stay away from proteins and fats… NO BUENO)
-Always save the water that we let run as we are warming it up for a shower or to do the dishes. You can filter it and drink it, add it into the washing machine so it needs less to hit the limit as it fills up, water your plants… you get the idea. One lady said, “I’m paying for that water, I’m gonna use it!”
-Re-use zippie bags. Either wash them out (if you smack a wet zippie on your backsplash, upside down, it’ll dry out no problem) or have dry food zippies/smelly-food zippies/half-used vegetable zippies labeled and separated so when you want to grab one, it’s easy to re-use…

It all seems kind of common-sense(ish)… but they are all easy and practical tips.

I feel like we often disregard seniors, saying they are “out of touch” or “cling to the past” but there’s a lot to learn from their life experience.

Faith and Life

noreply@blogger.com (Dawn Hood-Patterson) — Thu, 26 Mar 2009 20:14:00 +0000

The Andes Mountains form the backbone to our South American continent but as it reaches the border of Colombia it splits in to three ranges. Travel is often treacherous; two lane roads connect major cities. Most major cities are also located in one of the three ranges. The roads twist and curve with the whims of the rocky Andean cliffs. Tunnels would make travel far too convenient and guardrails would be far too safe. Travel and prayer become synonymous as you loop in and out, inhaling the exhaust from the diesel truck that putters its way up the incline in front of you. Awe-inspiring landscapes, nothing but the pavement and the sheer drop to your right—these are the Andes of Colombia.

Bogotá is nestled in the eastern range of the mountains, at eight thousand feet. Skyscrapers touch the heavens as they poke through the thin air. Clay roofed colonial houses and narrow cobblestone streets hint at the city that was. These are the reminders of a rich history and a modern potential. Then we see, in the places left un-photographed and often unexplored, the shanty villages that rim the city. Variegated tin, cardboard and mortar are the building essentials. This prods at my soul, the crushing poverty and a disjointed social opportunity. Where is the justice? I believe that Jesus came to bring justice for the oppressed and marginalized. I believe that it is our duty to advocate on behalf of the voiceless.

It seems, all too often, that my faith has mimicked my surroundings. I often find myself overcome and blinded by the fumes that linger from the roads that I have taken. I often wonder if I move through life by chance, only to see pieces of the pavement in my rear-view mirror. I sometimes look out over the sheer drop to my right and realize I am not sure where I am going nor when I will arrive. It is far too easy to focus on the mountains, which seem so treacherous, that I often fail to take in the landscapes. I contemplate the destination when I could gain wisdom and experience from the travel.

Many times, I want to reach to the sky, in spite of the thin air. I want to poke my head above the clouds and achieve, but when I look out on the horizon I cannot ignore the shanty towns, filled with people who want to reach up too, if only they knew how or had an opportunity. Maybe life and ministry should be about reaching together. I, too, should embrace my rich history to strive toward my potential.

Jesus came to reconcile. I do not claim to know many certainties about my faith but I know that Jesus modeled reconciliation. Jesus reconciled the world to God. Jesus reconciled human relationships. The socially out-casted disabled were reconciled with a healing touch. Jesus embraced the socially oppressed women, teaching them, living in community with them and giving them opportunity to lead. Jesus taught us to love the poor and fight for their cause. Jesus taught me to be an advocate for the hurting, marginalized and oppressed.

Apologies Needed

noreply@blogger.com (Dawn Hood-Patterson) — Sat, 14 Mar 2009 12:29:00 +0000

For those who say, “The problem with the church is that we have become too tolerant, allowing the ‘world’ (or culture) to dictate what we believe.” What a load of candy-coated, hedge protecting crap! I can’t speak on behalf of Jesus; (though I often try) I’ll stick with the image of Jesus healing the lepers, redeeming the tormented souls, embracing the women and children. These are all people who were marginalized by their society. I am ashamed at myself! I claim to be Christ-like but how often do I sit with the poor, or learn their names? I plead for the case of the battered woman who keeps going back but I don’t take the time to understand why she returns. I want to embrace my homosexual friends but the little voice rings inside my ears “it’s a sin”! What a load of crap! I’m labeling people, marginalizing people, anointing people with the “sin” sticker. To you, who may have had a brush with my kind, I apologize!

For those who say, “If you don’t think ‘America’ is the greatest place, just leave”. Don’t mind if I do. I’m not bashing the freedom I experience as an American citizen. There are people who have fought long and hard, just for me to have the freedom to make a claim like this. To those, I am grateful. To those who have used our bountiful resources to obtain more than our share—I am ashamed. And we do this so unabashedly. I often catch myself saying, “I need… I deserve more… I’ve earned.” I’m pathetic! I wallow in my prosperity, enjoying my $12 shirt made in a sweatshop in Haiti; all the while I claim to live a Christ-like existence. America may provide many freedoms but at what cost to the world around us? To those who work, for my gain, I apologize!

For all of us who drink a bottle of water and toss it in the garbage, for all of us who watch a plastic bag fly in the wind or get mad when it gets twisted around our fence or the bottom of our cars, we suck! This place, the bobbling green and blue thing we call Earth, this is all we get! We have grown accustomed to the principle: If we run out we’ll just scurry to the store and buy some more. That may work with beer but when it comes to clean drinking water, crop production, climate control—this is all we’ve got! Those who say, “Global warming is a myth, scientists are still out on the verdict.” I say, wake up! Regardless of the facts the reality remains—THIS IS ALL WE’VE GOT! How can we selfishly say, “drill baby, drill” just because it’s within our borders when we all know that it’ll just delay the inevitable—it’ll one day be gone, all used up. We are too many, too demanding, too resource hungry. To those who have pled for my attention, for years, I apologize that it has taken this long!

And I say all of this claiming to be a Christ-follower. He’s the redeemer, right? The one that God sent because humanity was crappin’ all over this good thing God had going, right? It seems to me that we’re still crappin’. I’m ashamed of us! And we call ourselves the church? We call ourselves the “people of God”? If this is what it means to be a Christian, I want O-U-T! I’m tired or going to my stained glass place of worship and hearing people talk about the pastor not wearing a suit, or that women are somehow lesser, or the fact that the poor, the broken, the hurt, the sick, gays, Democrats, the ethnically diverse, and religiously diverse are all going to hell and we’re not afraid to send them.
Look at me! I’d love to say, “Jesus loves you, we are all God’s children, etc.” But I still bought that shirt from Haiti, I still want a gas-guzzling SUV, I still don’t exactly know how to embrace my gay friends while ensuring that my husband (who is amazing) will stay employed, or buy the bottle of water and toss out the trash. I still see American Christians acting the way that we do and I am ashamed. So much so that I’d rather remove my little “Christian” badge. I hate that in one breath I say, “God loves world” but there’s something “missing” among those Muslims, those gays, those women. There is lack of drive among the poor, that impoverished nation, the workers who bleed for pennies in pay. And we do it all in the name of Jesus, our Christian (and some say national) heritage. No wonder all my friends who have had a brush with our kind call us hypocrites—maybe they’re right! “Jesus loves the little children ALL the children of the world” and if we are Christ’s representation in this world, we seriously have to stop loving conditionally!

Art, life, faith...

noreply@blogger.com (Dawn Hood-Patterson) — Wed, 04 Feb 2009 17:22:00 +0000

Imagery and art are compelling. I often wish that I knew how to capture the emotion and depth like a skilled painter or photographer. I sometimes wish I had the ability to design and create or dance and sing. I appreciate some of the great movies that have recently been released. The images that they capture and the stories that they tell have been riveting. I love great stories, told with complex characters and story line that dazzle. I love the imagination and the ability, of some, to express an impression in ways that incite new feelings and deeper understandings.

There is nothing better than an image captured… I know that God often communicates God’s joy and sorrow through images. Pictures, movies, paintings, doodles, dances and melodies are all blueprints of pain and bliss. They remind me that we all share a common humanity. Though we are spectacularly unique… we are alike.

Check out my sister-in-law’s website at: www.angelacpatterson.com Angela is doing incredible work—reconstructing memory.

Also, I always check out: The Week in Pictures. Amazing… www.msnbc.msn.com/id/3842331
It captures images from across the world. It’s always been my favorite way to stay in touch with current events. These images make me laugh, cry and hope.

A Hug

noreply@blogger.com (Dawn Hood-Patterson) — Sun, 04 Jan 2009 21:54:00 +0000

I got a hug the other day. The man was picking up adult briefs for his wife with Alzheimer’s disease. She was diagnosed 9 years earlier and she had become incontinent. They had celebrated their 55th anniversary on Thanksgiving Day. “They say, wait for the ‘Golden Years’ but sometimes the golden years never happen,” he said. With tears in his eyes he gave me a hug. What do you say to that? How do we show compassion when my husband and I have celebrated five years and are happy and healthy? We long for the golden years, for retirement, to travel and to love each other for 50 years. Hurts come packaged in ways we hope to never understand.

Goals

noreply@blogger.com (Dawn Hood-Patterson) — Sun, 04 Jan 2009 21:30:00 +0000

I heard that people who write down their goals are more apt to accomplish them…

1. I will love Paul every day
2. I will travel to Colombia with Paul
3. I will travel to England, Germany, Spain, France and Italy
4. I will make a soufflé
5. I will earn a doctorate degree
6. I will have something published
7. I will write vignettes about life
8. I will live forward, I will learn from the past
9. I will learn the meaning and art of compassion
10. I will decorate my home
11. I will take Merengue, Salsa and Mambo lessons
12. I will enjoy at least one Margarita every month
13. I will get my teeth whitened
14. I will drive a convertible—at least for an hour
15. I will learn to be more environmentally responsible
16. I will earn a livable wage—at least for a time
17. I will see “Rent”, “The Nutcracker” and “Wicked” live
18. I will travel to New York
19. I will always learn new things and listen to new ideas
20. I will eat a gourmet meal
21. I will go to a Cowboy’s game with Paul
22. Paul and I will see Baylor play in a bowl game (I hope)

This blog is my attempt at goal number 7. I want to start here and see what materializes…